From Grief to Growth: A Personal Journey in Basketball Content
What's up, guys and gals? Feels like it's been years since I wrote a newsletter post. In reality, it's probably just a few months. Life comes at you fast, eh?
This post is very personal. It also has some of my upcoming goals. I've got some thoughts, explanations, and goals that I wanted to write down, and I thought this would be the best place for that. Anyone who chooses to read this knows I appreciate you very, very much.
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The background
I've been covering this team for what feels like a lifetime. I love them. I love basketball. When I started doing whatever this is – blogging? journalism? content creation? – The aim was to find a group of people to talk basketball with. Being an avid NBA fan in the UK, it's hard to find consistent and good hoops conversations.
In June 2021, I finally cobbled enough work together to work full-time as a freelancer. Most of my work focuses on the Celtics. A little bit is elsewhere around the league. Whatever. I get to write and talk about the team and sport I love, right? At the time, my wife, daughter, and I lived with my Nan. She was sick, and we helped take care of her. I've lived with my nan for most of my life. She was like a second mom, more than a nan.
She passed away in September 2021. 2 months after I had become a freelancer. Since then, I've battled with grief and depression. That's to be expected after such a significant loss. However, the battle that I never expected was the one I'm still fighting: Anxiety.
Why is this important?
Well, the funny thing about anxiety is that it hits everybody differently. For me, it made making the simplest of decisions virtually impossible. It made me question every interaction I had with someone – both in person and online. Suddenly, what people thought about me mattered when it's never bothered me before.
It also made me extremely introverted. I rarely left the house.
As an English guy trying to break into the NBA industry, whatever it is I am (Blogger? Journalist? Content Creator? Analyst?), there's an incredible amount of imposter syndrome. I don't have the access others do, simply because I'm not in the city. I don't sound like the other analysts; my accent is thick and distinct. Some – not all – but some don't believe an English guy can talk about hoops at a high level. There's a shit load of different hurdles...some of them are real, some of them are the story my anxiety tells me.
I'm getting better, though. I'm back at the gym. I take regular walks. And my confidence is slowly coming back.
This leads me to yesterday.
My workload consists – well consisted – of 4 outlets. Between them, I make enough money to live and provide a life for the family.
Yesterday, out of the blue, one of those outlets let me go. No hard feelings. The industry is cut-throat. It is what it is. I wished them luck, and they did the same back.
As I sat there, thinking about what my next step would be. How I was going to plug a financial gap. Something dawned on me. This is why I was always so adamant about building a newsletter or website. When you own something, it's yours. You can't get let go at the drop of a hat.
Then, the anxiety story begins to play in my head.
"You're not good enough to do something like that."
"It's a saturated market with way smarter, more talented people than you."
"Why would anyone pay to read what you have to say?"
"You've done this before; how is this going to be any different?"
"Nobody likes you. You've argued too much online. It's over. Quit now."
Well, you know what? There might be some truth to those stories my anxiety likes to spout. But, and I mean this sincerely, fuck anxiety and it's opinions. It's ruled me for over two years. It's made me a shadow of who I used to be.
I know I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff. And if any of you reading are going through similar battles, I'm here for you. We can win these battles together!
So, here are my answers to those anxious concerns.
"You're not good enough to do something like that." Maybe not. Maybe I'm at my ceiling, and this is as good as it gets. I'm ok with that. I'm proud of the work I do and the analytical content I produce. But how will I ever know if there's another gear if I don't try?
"It's a saturated market with way smarter, more talented people than you." This is 100% true. I can't argue. But I've already found a way to carve out a lane in that saturated market. Why can't I keep it pushing and carve out a slightly bigger space? The Celtics have millions of fans surely there's enough room for me at the table?
"Nobody likes you. You've argued too much online. It's over. Quit now." You see, that's the funny thing about anxiety: every comment, every conversation, they can feel like a personal attack. That leads to a defensive and oftentimes antagonistic response. I'm aware of my shortcomings there. I'm regretful of those actions. I'm trying to be better. Hopefully, people will come around.
"Why would anyone pay to read what you have to say?" First of all, I don't expect anyone to pay me. I'm under no illusions that I'm just some dude in the middle of England sharing his thoughts about a basketball team. I'm not reinventing the wheel. I'm not an insider. I'm not some superstar reporter. I'm Adam.
Yes, I want to do something where I can scale it and cut back my workload elsewhere over time – except CelticsBlog, I will always be loyal to CelticsBlog. I could win the lottery tomorrow; I'm still writing there. That will only change if they need to let me go.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the outlets I write for. They're great people. They treat me amazingly well. I'm incredibly fortunate. It's just that I know how easy it is for the gigs you have to vanish. That's often outside of people's control. And it's certainly out of my control.
So yes, having a paid option for the newsletter would be great. I need to earn that, though. I need to give people a reason to support me. I haven't done that. Not yet.
"You've done this before; how is this going to be any different?" I'm choosing not to let the anxiety win. I have always been incredibly driven. I got my degree while studying part-time, holding down a full-time job, raising a family, and chasing this basketball dream. If that doesn't show you how hyperfocused I can be, I don't know what will. Anxiety has beaten me for the last time – at least in terms of building something of my own. I'm here for the long run. I want to be independently sustainable. I want to have connections with the people that enjoy my work. I want a community we can be proud of.
That's why I have chosen to move away from Substack and onto Ghost.
Many of you reading this email will notice it hasn't come from Substack. There are three reasons for this:
You can't promote Substack on X
Substack takes a cut of all paid subscribers - a problem for future Adam, but still a problem I would rather not deal with
Ghost allows me to run this newsletter like a website. I can be extremely creative with the coverage I do and have a lot of options available on how to go about that.
For the foreseeable future, there is only a free option on this site. Subscribers can comment, and other stuff that I haven't learned about yet, I'm sure.
Right now, I'm not committing to a frequency on the newsletter. I want that to happen organically. I want everything to grow naturally and be enjoyable.
My final tidbits
If you choose to stick around for the ride - know that means more to me than I can explain. If you choose to unsubscribe, I get it; no hard feelings; maybe we can link back up further down the line.
In terms of promoting this endeavor, I'm a big believer in word of mouth. It's one thing having me shouting from the hilltops about this "next great site." It's another when it's coming from the people who consume the content. If you like it, share it – X, IG Stories, Reddit, Facebook – wherever. That is the biggest help any content creator can ever ask for.
And, if you're new here...I don't usually reveal too much about my personal side of things. But I'm hoping to begin developing better relationships with all of you, so I'm happy to do it from time to time...just make sure you subscribe if any of this resonates with you.
Until next time, GO CELTICS! And thank you if you made it to the end.
Sign up for Celtics Film Room
Celtics Film Room delivers passionate, unfiltered Boston Celtics commentary and analysis from AdamTaylorNBA's unique lens - dissecting game tape and diving into stats.
No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.